until february! and two weeks earlier, on february 5, 2023, we finally began dating. what a good day, what a lucky outcome… i was so happy. i couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. at that point, of course, i had been fairly certain that something was happening between us… just a week or so earlier, we had planned our wedding together and talked about moving in together. to me, who had been pining for over a year, it felt too good to be true. the entire time we sent each other dresses and picked out flower colours and decided what rules we liked in terms of guests, i wondered if you were playing a cruel joke on me. i was expecting you to end the conversation with something like “JUST KIDDING” or “not like this would ever happen, though!” and it would have crushed me beyond measure. i will do everything to make it real, and thus it will happen, especially now that we’re officially together. we also talked about moving in together that night, as i said, and this also felt too good to be true. i was scrolling through the anthropologie website, allowing myself to indulge in my single most coveted dream even as i braced myself for you to rebuke me and deny the plausibility of any of this ever happening. that never happened, though, and you seemed serious enough, so i began daring to hope that things were reciprocated. i pushed myself, and i confessed. and you confessed back, and now i’m so happy every day that it doesn’t even feel like the same life that i once lived anymore.

valentine’s day was a real treat, and the website you made me was so touching that i could only scroll through and read in silence. i was so overwhelmed with gratitude and disbelief (“how could somebody love me this much…?”) that i’m not even sure if you fully understood how thankful i was for the gift and how much i love it. i’ve reread it at this point and it remains so precious to me. this collection in itself is slightly a copy of your own site… sorry… i loved what you did for me and wanted to do the same for you… but thank you. i love you.

you visited me on my reading break, and succeeded in almost entirely distracting me from my academics (which i do not regret a single bit). it was more of a laidback trip than the others, with less destinations and fewer restaurants, but we were able to relax more and grow even closer. this time, we were proper girlfriends and i could finally show the affection i wanted to. every night when you drew close to me, i got butterflies in my stomach (which i believe i told you in a letter, but it needs to be said again). you gave me more valentines gifts, which i treasure so much. the paper slips touched my soul so profoundly… i threw you a tea party, as i hope to do many times in the future. we skated and held hands, and i felt so proud to call you my girlfriend and show the entire world. we went to ikea and i imagined our future together, stretching out into a vast lifetime of buying furniture and decor together. our home will be beautiful, and it will be ours. we drank tea and ate pancakes, and we made a soup so delicious that it could belong in any restaurant. we braved the cold and the snow to visit thrift stores and cafes, and you braved my evil dog whom i desperately wish behaved better. your outfits were adorable as always, and your hair was beautiful, and overall you were the picture of beauty. i keep saying these things, over and over… it’s just the truth, and they’re the things i notice the most. you’re so pretty in my eyes. we met prince harry himself at the mall and bought more tiramisu, then had boba and katsu. we watched american psycho, interview with the vampire, maquia, and watching the detectives. i showed you my university, and we toured kensington to see cute things (nearly dying from cold for our efforts… worth it). we drove all over the place, and went to walmart for all our grocery needs. we had our final dinner at kinjo… honestly, the sushi was pretty good. nothing fancy, but pretty good. and then came our fourth goodbye, this time as a couple. it never stops hurting… this time, i didn’t cry until later that night! i’m getting stronger, and the sadness stays locked up in my heart. it’s only a temporary sadness of longing, so don’t worry. one day, the tears will be inconsequential, and we’ll always be together. when that time comes, not even cillian murphy would be able to tear us apart.

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isn't this a nice photo? skating was so fun. we need to buy skates (i was only borrowing my mother's, technically) and go skating together every winter.


ah, there she is. little terror...
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but the wait until july is agonizing. i miss you all the time, my love. you are doing so well for yourself, and that makes me so proud. i can’t wait to see you again, and this time i’ll properly hug you in the airport instead of quickly walking away like all the other times. my nerves always get the better of me. not this time.

pet our future kitty to reach the final piece of the collection.

click on my love for you to return home.