can i begin briefly at the beginning? i don’t remember very much from our mid-teen years, but i know that we met on november 3, 2015. right from the start you were the funniest and most unique presence i had known. it has always been easy to laugh with you. still, i would give anything to go back in time and tell my past self that one day she would go on to fall in love with and date instagram user @alfrediscri. that would be priceless. i’m thinking… unparalleled shock and disbelief? “you’re lying; i don’t even like girls.” “you will like this girl; you won’t have any choice.”

horridly enough, we have our ex-friends to thank for reconnecting us. there was a strange period prior to 2019-2020 when we didn’t really talk much. then a group chat was restarted (but let’s not get too reminiscent over those group chats…) and we were back in each other’s spheres. that’s how i remember it, anyways… we also liked to talk about fire emblem and promare in late 2019, so i have those media to thank for bridging the gap that had opened between us.

the real change was on march 24, 2020, when we created the game that would be spectre shortwave and the pair that would eventually be twoseraph. in those early days we did nothing but create, invent, scheme, devise, plan, design, and talk. we talked so much that we became best friends in a matter of months. you could say i “won,” that i beat everyone else. is that evil? did you ever have the same feeling? as we worked on our games i learned more about you, and with each detail i still wanted to know more. the give and take, the push and pull… in my head, at least, we were bound to be close for a very, very long time. it turns out that it will be forever. there is no one better…

i’ve told you, but i began to realize that i loved you as more than my best friend right around december of 2021. we had never met, we had never been face to face, and i had never even heard your voice: it was the exact definition of “i’m doomed.”

---

i suppose this is one of the first times you ever said this. it must be, because i screenshotted it back in february of 2022.


this is also something i kept from months and months ago... these things were treasures to me. i favourited them and looked back so often that i memorized them.
---

i mostly suppressed it, or tried to convince myself that nothing was happening. even as i did this, we said “i love you” to each other and said good morning and goodnight every day. some days it hurt, but most days i felt delusional enough to let myself pretend that it was special (which, eventually, it was). my feelings were a secret that i never once put into words, not for an entire year: i did not tell anybody, and i wouldn’t even let myself admit it in my diary.

i know you felt something close to this, too, and i feel like i failed. i’m not very courageous, hence why it took me so long to confess, but i usually like to think that i’m good at picking up on emotions. not this time… not until you had already suffered for a good while. in my defence… you really hid it. but why dwell on the sad feelings we’ll never feel again? let’s take a trip to our favourite eastern canadian city instead.

click on the bunny (if you can catch it) to advance.

click on the kitty (that i did not steal) to return home.