if devotion could be put into words, then perhaps this collection would demonstrate all that i feel for you.
but i suspect that it’s impossible to quantify the summation of my devotion through words alone, and so this remains a fraction of all that i have to give you.
as you read, recognize that there is so much more than words. i could type for hours and something would still be missing. i could profess everything, spilling all it from my overflowing heart, and i would still need countless postscripts to feel even halfway satisfied.
it is through my actions, my intentions, my promises—and the integrity to which i uphold myself—that i fill in the remaining pieces of my adoration.
it is a well that will never run dry, or perhaps a tree that will never cease growing. how could this feeling ever end, when i receive new reasons to love you every single day? you’ll see, i hope: over the course of our lives you’ll see just how devoted i am.
in every sentence i imbue a drop of affection.
“i’m thinking of you.” “this reminded me of you.” “i hope you have a good day.” “sweet dreams.” “I’m so excited to see you.” “it would have been more fun if you were here.” “stay safe.” “thank you for spending time with me.” “tell me about your day.” “I’m here if you want to talk about it.” “in fact, i’m always here.” “i miss you so much.” “i love you.” “i’m in love with you.”
in each action i’m confessing my feelings to you all over again.
i’ll throw you as many tea parties as you’d like. i’ll hold you close for as long as you need: i need it too, in case you wondered. listening to you talk about your interests is a treasure i can’t believe i have the privilege of possessing. reach for my hand and i’ll never let go of yours. let me navigate, please: take as many photos as you want. in return, let me braid your hair with flowers. we can listen to the playlist i’ve made for you and I’ll share my meiji chocolates, even when there are only two left.
hidden in my intentions is a quiet plea to continue loving me.
an intention: to make you laugh. an intention: to share more about myself but also to learn more about you. an intention: to try harder, every day, to be the best person for you. an intention: to erase all doubts in your mind that you could ever be unworthy of love. an intention: to ensure your comfort and safety at all times. an intention: to live together. an intention: to grow old together. an intention: to raise a cat together.
and, of course, my promises are scattered throughout this piece and the entire collection hereafter. each “i love you” is a promise in itself; i have never said it lightly and i would never not mean it with my entire heart. whether typed, whispered, spoken, or screamed, it’s all devotion.
it’s all devotion. i just don’t have enough words to adequately empty my heart.
what follows is my best try.
