what was it, august 7, 2022? yes, it was, i’ll never forget. you picked me up from the airport, gave me beautiful flowers, gifted me a cute note and the pink heart charm that i cherish the most to this day as my favourite trinket… you always spoil me too much. manhattan was intimidating, but your presence and confidence made me feel a lot better each day. oh, goodness, we did so much in nyc… you introduced me to so many places. kinokuniya, toho shoji, bryant park, teso life, ktown as a whole, flushing, hudson yards, chelsea market, the whitney, niconeco zakkaya, prince tea house, natural history museum, central park, the met, laduree, and the arcade on long island… we also went to plenty of new places together, such as the cloisters and mari vanna and maison kintaro and koneko. we also received our TWOSERAPH-MADE FANBOOKS, which was one of the greatest moments of my life. our excitement could have fuelled a small car, i’m quite sure.

our nyc trip has been on my mind constantly for the past few weeks, though i’m not entirely sure why that is. because i miss summer? i definitely know it’s because i miss all the things we did, and especially because i miss you with all my heart. being able to see you two or three times a year is already an amazing privilege, but the months in between stretch into lonely days.

some of my favourite moments that i continuously turn over in my head from new york included central park and the cloisters. i think i could go to central park (with you) every day during the summer months and never tire of it… it felt so tranquil, and the vastness of the greenspace was comforting. strangely, i liked seeing the tall buildings of manhattan beyond the treetops: though it was a constant reminder that we were in the middle of a city, it made for a wonderfully picturesque view. i loved picnicking with you very, very much. that silly squirrel… i hope we have many more picnics in the future, in a wide variety of places. and, yes, those cloisters. i was so utterly taken by that central courtyard, with the garden and the table set with jars of pretty flowers.

incidentally, i was also taken by how beautiful you look in summer. no matter how warm it is outside (and it certainly got warm), you always looked put together and would never complain. your hair was beautiful as ever and you were just simply so attractive to me. you look breathtaking in a sundress, and in pants, and in pretty ruffled shirts. my girlfriend is so beautiful; does he know that?

i often wonder if, to outsiders, it looks like we’re a couple when we go to restaurants and museums together. this is something i wonder during all our trips, but especially during nyc because i recall that i was really battling my feelings at this point. we would be at a restaurant, getting seated for our reservation at a table for two in a beautiful little restaurant, and i would secretly hope that at least one person in the room looked at us and clocked us as girlfriends. same in the subways, when we sat close or leaned our heads together during busy moments. or perhaps in chelsea flea, as we sorted through old postcards and vintage jewelry? in central park, as we took photos of each other in front of the turtle pond and climbed the rock together? at the arcade, as we danced the dance revolution and won it big with plushes we couldn’t physically afford to take home? i like to think that at least one person, at LEAST one, watched us existing for a bit and thought, “wow, are they dating? what a cute couple.”

we do make a cute couple, by the way. two girls who wear pretty skirts and glasses and walk down the street laughing together while holding hands make the loveliest couples; take it from me.

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see? adorable.


son #1


sons #2 and #3
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there’s nyc for you. we were then separated for several achingly long months by distance, time, school, and more… but finally we reunited in london for the most fulfilling trip yet. and at that point, i could no longer deny my crush. i felt like the main character of a romance anime, but without the romance and without the anime! ikimashoukaaaaa!

in case you weren’t yet aware, i was essentially incapable of masking my feelings for you during fall semester. i know you didn’t pick up on it, but that’s basically what everything was. every “i love you” and “good morning” and “goodnight,” just as they are now, were a measure of devotion to you. every playlist i made for you and all the sappy songs i sent you had intentions behind them. when i called you beautiful, it was because i’m in love with your appearance. when i responded to your texts immediately, or during lectures, or late at night, or early in the morning, it was all because i need to talk to you or i feel i’ll go crazy. if i had taken a chance back in september and told you i liked you, i’m not sure how well it would have gone, but at least it would have saved me (and probably you) countless hours of overthinking.

but i did not (neither did you), and so heading into london i was nervous but knew i could not ruin things. my general policy to regulate my behaviour was to only go exactly as far as you would go: to let you set the boundaries and to never, ever dare to push further. my logic was that i, who had a damning (/pos now but /neg then) and very terminal crush, was comfortable with anything you might do, whereas you only saw me as a friend and thus i could only trust you to set the tone for how we could treat each other.

i caught you some fish. click on them to advance.

click on this delectable bread bowl to return home.